@Phil FSTS - Step Outline Rewrite
Act 1
Opening Scene is a panning shot of the house interiors, revealing a stack of neatly organized collections, newspaper clippings of famous archaeologists findings, close ups of the house features revealing its quite antique and rather old.
Cut to another room and the elderly man enters with his walking stick - walking past one of his 'exhibits' and stops to go back, realizing something out of place (a locket) and is quick to re organize it with delicacy and care.
Once his collection was in place he goes to sit down in his chair, placing his walking stick beside him.
Cut to a mid-shot shot of him in the chair and he closes his eye. A feminine voice calls out to him "It's not good for you sitting down here with all this old stuff, you should walk around the house more, come upstairs" to which the old man grumbles and replies " I can't, I can't do it" gesturing towards his walking stick - "I can't go upstairs" to which she responds in jokingly calling him a magpie.
Act 2
Cutting to a close up of his side profile he opens his eyes and looks at one of his collections he tended to before //shoulder view of collection// he squints at it and realizes something out of place, he makes his way over to examine and notices the locket we saw him put in place before is now missing. Becoming quite panicked he starts looking through his other collection cabinets and shelves and find more of his trinkets missing, he becomes very stressed and upset, before he can calm him self he is then interrupted by a noise from upstairs..
Act 3
Cut to a high shot from the stairs, the elderly man is standing at the bottom looking quite uneasy as more noises are being made from somewhere up there, he begins to climb the stairs, making his way to the top to investigate, and is met with multiple doors, checking each one which is filled with boxes he finally comes to the last door which he shows to be more frightened of opening, shaking off his fear he opens the door - this room is not quite like the others though, it's neatly kept and quite peaceful.
Opening Scene is a panning shot of the house interiors, revealing a stack of neatly organized collections, newspaper clippings of famous archaeologists findings, close ups of the house features revealing its quite antique and rather old.
Cut to another room and the elderly man enters with his walking stick - walking past one of his 'exhibits' and stops to go back, realizing something out of place (a locket) and is quick to re organize it with delicacy and care.
Once his collection was in place he goes to sit down in his chair, placing his walking stick beside him.
Cut to a mid-shot shot of him in the chair and he closes his eye. A feminine voice calls out to him "It's not good for you sitting down here with all this old stuff, you should walk around the house more, come upstairs" to which the old man grumbles and replies " I can't, I can't do it" gesturing towards his walking stick - "I can't go upstairs" to which she responds in jokingly calling him a magpie.
Act 2
Cutting to a close up of his side profile he opens his eyes and looks at one of his collections he tended to before //shoulder view of collection// he squints at it and realizes something out of place, he makes his way over to examine and notices the locket we saw him put in place before is now missing. Becoming quite panicked he starts looking through his other collection cabinets and shelves and find more of his trinkets missing, he becomes very stressed and upset, before he can calm him self he is then interrupted by a noise from upstairs..
Act 3
Cut to a high shot from the stairs, the elderly man is standing at the bottom looking quite uneasy as more noises are being made from somewhere up there, he begins to climb the stairs, making his way to the top to investigate, and is met with multiple doors, checking each one which is filled with boxes he finally comes to the last door which he shows to be more frightened of opening, shaking off his fear he opens the door - this room is not quite like the others though, it's neatly kept and quite peaceful.
On the windowsill a magpie is resting and it reveals that the magpie has been taking these things and bringing it to this room, the magpie looks at the elderly man before flying off, as the bird flies away there is also a photograph it was sitting beside. The elderly man walks into the room past all his trinkets he cared so much for and picks up the photograph featuring him as a young archaeologist and the young woman - his late wife. Finally he is confronted with the reality and the tears come…
Time passes for a bit and there's an exterior shot of the house with a truck outside packed with boxes and furniture - which then drives off - moving in towards the front doorway of the now empty house, the elderly mans walking stick is left lent up against the wall, being left behind.
Time passes for a bit and there's an exterior shot of the house with a truck outside packed with boxes and furniture - which then drives off - moving in towards the front doorway of the now empty house, the elderly mans walking stick is left lent up against the wall, being left behind.
Okay then... so this is going to be all about how much information you can get into the shots to make them work as hard as possible for you and your audience. I think storyboarding some key moments / set-ups will help as you think about committing to a final script. If you're having ideas now about character design etc. let them start - but a word of advice - think about the place/time/region of your story: when is it taking place, where is it taking place? Fixing on some specifics will make the design process more straightforward and should avoid making things to 'nowhere-exactly' and generic.
ReplyDeleteI did note that in this treatment we only hear the voice of the young woman, but in order for us to understand the significance of the photo, the audience will need to have met her in your story before.